Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Making hard decisions.

I've spent a lot of this semester making some incredibly hard decisions.
I think I made the hardest a couple days ago.
Right now I have around $8000 in loans. Give or take a few hundred.
I was going to transfer to another school but I got thinking. I don't really like college all that much. I hate living away from home. It depresses me something awful. I worry about my family a thousand times more than I probably need to.
I'm not a very social person. I spend most of my time in my room, well now I spend a lot of time in the library working on homework and paper and talking to my family online. This will be the first month in all the time I've had my cell phone that I've even come near using all my minutes. And by near I mean I have like 16 minutes left to get me from today to 2 am on the 14th when I get my next months minutes. The nice thing is that "next month" includes a nice decent length break so I can call home a little more often.
Any way back to making decisions.
I killed my laptop screen, around a $100 minimum to fix. I need new glasses, to renew my permit so I can learn to drive then I need to retake the five hour and sign up for the road test and in between all this learn to drive.
I don't want to live away from home anymore. I don't want to increase my debt load anymore for a degree I no longer want in a field that work is sparse in.
I want a decent job, part time or full time with room for advancement. I want to help out at the farm and think about what I want in the long run.
Mostly I want to sleep in my own bed and know that everyone I love so much is close. I don't want to feel so alone.
So I'm dropping out and going home. I'm finding work and starting to pay off my loans. And save a little bit every month perhaps. Because I know the time will come when I'll be ready, and even possibly need my own place, so I'll save for that. And for any hard times that will come as they always do.
I'm nervous about working. It moves me entirely into being a grown up. Taxes and responsibilities. I'm terrified. But I'm excited too.
I'd get to be where I so badly need to be. Home.
I think this is the right decision for me. After all I can always go back to school later if I want to right? Online if nothing else. And that's enough for me.


Dani said...

((HUGS)) Whatever your choice is we're behind you 100%. Safe travels home Breezey. :)

threecollie said...

You are loved whatever you choose. Hang in there kiddo!

Breezey375 said...

Dani- thanks. That's one of the things I'm most grateful for right now. Everyone has been so good about accepting that I don't want to spend another year or two in school.

Mom- I know. I can barely wait two weeks to come home. I am counting the days!

DayPhoto said...

I did the same thing...many years ago. My heart was on the land.


Breezey375 said...

Linda- I can't believe how much better I feel knowing that at least for a while longer I can live on the farm I spent years planning my escape from!

Anonymous said...

@Breezey375 I don't know what things are like in the US but where I am I regard doing a apprenticeship as a smart way to go . IMO unless someone Really wants wants to go to university they should look at doing a technical trade .